Relations

What to write. This is one of those times of life when you have so much to express but you don’t get enough words to express yourself. Ohhh, no current incident inspires me to write this but at the same time it’s a topic which I feel is a matter of prime concern for everyone. We also need to set appropriate expectation levels for each of our relationships.

We all have performed one side of different roles in various relationships. These experiences give us a learning to handle various situations in life. I classify my relations into three broad categories Acquaintances, good to have, and must haves. At any point of time in life, I do not feel you can have more than 10 (Apart from your folks) people in the must have category. Please note that I do not consider any gender bias for any of the above named categories.

Acquaintances are timepasses who does not really matter. It doesn’t really matter if they are with us or not. These relationships are best explained in the age group of 15 years to 30 Years. Believe me there will be times when you count someone in must haves and they will put you in acquaintances. Whenever you come to realize this, the resultant pain is all due to the poor expectation management on your part.

The realization that you have over imposed yourself onto someone when there was no good response from the other side is stressing and painful. Few good words to explain this “Dil se milne ki tamanna nahi hai jab dil mein, haath se haath milane ki zarurat kya hai”. Whenever you realize that you are into such a situation, I believe the best way is to make a graceful exit before you stress yourself from the burden of carrying dead meat any further.

The other two categories are pretty much important lot. We should try to be selective while scanning people for these two categories. Must haves shall be handled with extreme priority. These relationships need to be cared (and sometimes even pampered). Sometimes we walk so fast that we leave everyone else far behind. The realization happens when we actually reach alone at the top. I have seen instances where people have questioned themselves“If we are gaining financial prosperity, why are we not happy ”.

Make sure that you always have time to receive an incoming call and say “I will call you later”. It makes the person at other end feel good. It is very common I guess to feel frustrated when someone does not pick up the phone or hangs up.

During college (UG), I met Ms Kiran Bedi. She gave us a great insight on priorities and life. The slip method (as I remember this) works all the time. Since I have left following this method, the quality of life has deteriorated. The slip method instructs us to maintain two lists. First list lists all tasks that need immediate attention whereas the second list contains tasks that can be done later. You shall frequently add, delete, or transfer tasks from both the lists. Try it for at least six months and you will eventually find out that most of the issues that caused stress in your relationships have already been taken care.

Good relationships make us feel comfortable. Watch out before you set expectations and love unconditionally.